Dennis Hackethal’s Blog

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Published · 2-minute read

So When Can a Woman ‘Date Up’?

I have previously written about a mistake some women make: divorcing after being promoted. Women shouldn’t think they can get a ‘better’ man just because a promotion confers higher status or income on them. Most men don’t care about a woman’s status or income.

That begs the question: when can a woman date up?

Watching Kevin Samuels’s videos has taught me that if a woman wants a better partner, she has to make herself more valuable, not in her own eyes or in the eyes of other women, but in the eyes of men. She has to learn what high-value men look for in women and acquire those traits.

For example, picture a woman who is overweight and unhappy with her dating options. If she then loses weight, she can probably pull a higher-value man. Men are visual and sexual creatures; they tend to dislike unfit girls. If you’re a woman reading this: you can deny it, you can cry about it, you can kick and scream, but it won’t change what most men want. If you’re overweight and unhappy being single, you’ll just have to lose the weight.

But fitness isn’t the only indicator of value in a woman. Samuels lists1 friendliness, femininity, submissiveness, and cooperativeness as other key values. And he goes even further: a truly high-value woman, according to him, is “attractive and appealing, […] has a comforting character, [is] disciplined and discerning, […] enthusiastic and exubera[nt], […] loyal and liberating”. I’ll add that the cooperative and liberating qualities imply that men don’t want an argumentative woman. They want a woman to be a source of peace at home.

Note that Samuels does not mention income or status. Those are things women want in men, not things men want in women. But how many women take the time to learn about what men want? Take sex as an example: as I’ve said, men are sexual creatures – granted, women like sex, too, but I think it’s more important for men overall. How many women learn about their man’s sexual preferences and ensure he is sexually satisfied?

In addition, when a woman spends her twenties focusing on her degree and career, finding a husband afterward will be harder. Samuels calls the time from a woman’s late twenties to her early thirties the ‘danger zone’ – this is the time when a woman should be laser-focused on finding a husband. But many women today seem to think that getting that degree and pursuing a career (which, as Samuels has pointed out, is usually just a job) makes them more valuable in the eyes of men. It does not. Worse, since most women are hypergamous, they look for men of much higher value than their own. So by getting a degree, a woman artificially reduces her options on the dating market (and then wonders where all the high-value men are!).

As part of his results-driven approach, Samuels suggests another key metric for determining a woman’s value: the number of high-value men who have either proposed to her or have at least seriously considered doing so. For any moderately attractive woman, sex is cheap; attention even cheaper. But a truly high-value woman is usually off the market (i.e., married) by 25.

In short, when a woman wants to attract a higher-caliber man, she has to make herself more valuable in such a man’s eyes. Just putting her wishes out in the universe or ‘manifesting’ it, as many women like to do, won’t cut it, nor will getting a degree or a promotion.

  1. Here at 1:29:16. 


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