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Published · 12-minute read

Key Insights from Kevin Samuels

Kevin Samuels was an image consultant with a successful YouTube channel about dating and relationships. I don’t agree with everything he says, particularly his advocacy for the corporal punishment of children, but he has provided valuable advice about relationships to men and women alike. I’ve listened to and analyzed several dozens of his episodes, and discussed many as well. Here are my key takeaways from his show.

Episode ‘Modern Women Charge For Submission’

Submission requires good faith and humility.

When a woman asks you what you do for a living, she wants to gauge how much money you make. You should be able to counter the question with: how much do you charge for submission?

The question makes women squirm because they tend to want to charge too much so they don’t want to put a price on it.

His point, ultimately, is that women should not charge for their submission.

Little girls learn to exert influence by being vague in response to direct questions from men to frustrate them so they’ll stop arguing and give them what they want or at least go away. It’s worth calling out.

Some women need to feel secure and relaxed enough to be feminine with a man. Conditional femininity

If he makes less than her, her respect for him goes down.

Some women want a lifestyle and the man is interchangeable to them as long as he can provide that lifestyle.

When a woman doesn’t answer a question directly, she’s trying to be deceptive (I’m guessing all people are).

Episode ‘It’s Her Mother’s Fault?’

Mothers sometimes feel a need to compete with their daughters once they’re unable to have children. They’ll sabotage their daughters’ ability to find meaningful relationships (‘you don’t need no man’, ‘prioritize education over marriage’). They’ll make their daughters feel indebted to them so the daughters will focus on and care for them (instead of, say, their own family). This is a form of neglect and abuse. Children do not owe their parents anything.

Just because your mother didn’t touch you inappropriately and just because you made it through high school doesn’t mean your mother did her job or treated you right.

People should have therapy to work through issues from their childhood. People should hold their parents accountable for their mistakes. It frees up the (now adult) children. Bad parents don’t deserve credit.

Not having money isn’t an excuse not to get therapy. There are plenty of free resources.

A woman’s inability to connect with a man may stem from issues in how her mother raised her.

Some people just need to distance themselves from their parents. That’s fine. There’s nothing to feel bad about. One should detach from one’s parents. It’s a natural part of growing up. ‘Detach with love’ and then come back as a fully functioning adult.

Relationships are a skill. They don’t just happen. You need to learn what they are, how they work, how to maintain them, etc. Children learn a bunch about relationships from their parents, but that requires that their parents be together. Children from single-parent households are going to have a tougher time understanding relationships.

“Modern women are relationship remedial.”

Life is about people/relationships (not jobs or projects).

Women need men. Women have a very difficult time surviving in the long term without men. Therefore, mothers should teach their daughters that they’ll need a man when they grow up. If they don’t tell their daughters that, that’s a failing. The most effective means is a show and tell: mothers need to tell their daughters this and show it by living it with a husband, ie the daughter’s father.

Most people don’t seem to realize that men deserve to be praised and deserve reasonable treatment.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn who you are and why you are.

Many mothers teach their daughters (knowingly or not) that men are disposable.

He recommends doing research on ‘mother wounds’.

The claim that any first-world country is a patriarchy is stupid because you could only be a feminist in a first-world country.

Forgive people who hurt you and forgive yourself for hurting people.

Episode ‘7 Things To Give Up To Get A High Value Man’

Thinking you know something and being headstrong is a dangerous combination; makes one liable to make dumb decisions.

“A woman’s weight has a lot to do with how she looks at herself.” She may take more crap from a man if she’s overweight because she doesn’t have better options.

One thing every woman can do to increase her options is to work on her fitness. It can have a big impact.

Husband and wife are not ‘partners’. The wife is the husband’s support system. He leads, she follows.

“If your dating pool is trash, the first place I want you to check is the mirror.”

Episode ‘High Value Men and Project Women’

Better to date a woman who doesn’t have pets. Pets are baggage and require work. (I can confirm, especially for dogs. Low-maintenance animals such as fish may be okay. Cats are better than dogs but could still be an issue.)

Many women don’t seem to understand that men typically look at a woman and immediately decide whether they want to sleep with her. Dating is a ritual to get the right combination to a woman’s vagina.

Women need to qualify for marriage. No other job would let you get in without the qualifications just because you want to have it.

Men shouldn’t marry unless they’re in the top 20%.

Life happens ‘out there’. Making money is a social activity and success is shared. Stop trying to get and start giving, you’ll be more successful that way.

It’s not fair for a severely overweight woman to expect her man to be loyal.

Episode ‘Do High Value Men Control Women?’

Men like women who like them.

Men should check a woman’s average weight for the past five years (eg social-media pics). Some women only lose weight to get a man and then put it right back on. Women who actually stay fit for themselves and believe in being fit in the long term don’t do that.

Men tend to suffer injustices quietly and with dignity. Women kick and scream.

Women are held back and controlled by delusion, not by high-value men.

Men shouldn’t sleep with women who are bigger than them or who they wouldn’t be seen with in public. It confuses the marketplace.

Episode ‘Do You Deserve More or Less?’

Many women don’t date what they rate; instead, they date aspirationally.

Nose rings mean ‘fun times’, not ‘wife material’. If you’re looking for a husband, don’t have things on your body that send such ‘fun time’ signals. From a man’s perspective, a girl with piercings and tattoos doesn’t look like a wife or mother; she looks like a girl you have sex with and then get rid of.

Episode ‘Modern Women Want To Go From 304 Phase to Housewife?’

Re body count: men, don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to know the answer to, and don’t worry about things you can’t control anyway.

Kevin doesn’t ask women their body count because he expects them to lie. But he does think body count matters.

“You can be right on an argument and still be wrong in losing life.” You can have an opinion, but if you don’t have influence over the kind of women you want, you can’t move the needle anyway.

Women should accept that men often don’t like high body counts. It can be harder for women to find husbands after a hoe phase.

Men are more romantic about sex than women.

Women want men who are more sexually experienced than they are, especially when they are starting out. So women care about a man’s body count, too, but usually prefer it to be higher than their own, as opposed to men who prefer a woman’s body count to be lower than their own. (My addition: so sleeping with lots of men makes it harder for women to find men they want to be with, just like getting a degree or getting a high-paying job does. The pattern seems to be: if she has success in ways men do, she’ll have a harder time finding men she wants. She should focus on having success in ways women do. What are those? Being fit, cooperative, inspirational, nurturing, and so on?)

Women aren’t as assertive in the bedroom as men; they want a man to figure out what they like. Which is why they need a man who’s experienced.

Sex should be spiritual but sleeping around can’t be very spiritual.

Women often give each other advice based on what feels good, not based on logic. This is why men should run things, because men are more logical. Logic means better outcomes. (My addition: I’ve heard that women want validation whereas men want solutions to problems. Which is more conducive to running a society and surviving and thriving? Which is more conducive to life in what David Deutsch calls a dynamic society, and which is more conducive to life in what he calls a static one?)

Episode ‘Is This a SIGN of the Times?’

When a woman prefaces her statements with phrases such as ‘I feel like…’ or ‘I can’t speak for all women’ she’s obfuscating and deflecting. (I’d add ‘from my personal experience’…, ‘me personally…’)

The transmitters of culture across generations are typically women, not men.

At the end he reiterates that sons do not owe their mothers anything for raising them. It doesn’t matter if the mother is alone because she couldn’t keep a man, if she sacrificed a lot, etc. “Atlas has shrugged”, he says. Before that is a great monolog.

Episode ‘The REAL Deal with High Value Men?’

“Stop trying to outthink the question.” (1:47:15) Don’t try to maneuver. Just answer it!

Outthinking the Question
Example of Not Outthinking the Question

Episode ‘This Isn’t Modern Women’s Fault?’

Parents are supposed to leave their children something. Instead, many see their children as a retirement plan.

Sometimes mothers give their daughters advice because they want to live through them vicariously. And, whether women admit it or not, their biological imperative is for security. So when a man doesn’t make them feel secure, they look for other things that secure them, and the next thing is family. So some mothers want to keep their daughters single so the daughters can later bail them out. Therefore, when a mother isn’t happy with her daughter’s decision to get married, she better give very good reasons.

Teenagers are a modern invention.

Parents are fallible. The fact that they gave birth to you doesn’t change that. Sometimes you need to call them out on their bullshit.

Episode ‘From Single Mother of 2 to Millionaire Financial Guru’

Women sometimes have children as a financial backup plan. (The children are supposed to finance the mother’s life once they’re grown up.) That’s fucked up. Children have a right to live their own lives.

Episode ‘These Pros Ain’t Loyal’

Breadcrumbing, hovering

Women are passive when it comes to relationships because it keeps their emotions safe and their risk low.

If you want to see something really crazy, turn down a beautiful woman.

Women should send signals of interest.

Women shouldn’t go on a first date with a man they’re not sexually attracted to. And they shouldn’t go on a second date if they don’t intend to sleep with him. If they do, that’s deceitful.

Men have no place in the world where they can be open about their feelings. Men aren’t really considered human by many. Women can physically abuse men and men aren’t supposed to defend themselves. But if a man so much as raises his voice at a woman, that’s abuse. Don’t accept something from men if you’re not interested in them, they expect something in return! Leading someone on with the possibility of sex is a dangerous game. Men go on dates to have sex with women.

‘Coochie balance’

A woman is only invested if she sleeps with a man and spends money on him. (I’d add that another type of female investment is time since time is scarce for women.)

Episode ‘High Value Men Know What Women Don't’

High-value men know that finding a cooperative woman is easier for them than finding a high-value man is for women.

Unless a woman is in the top 20% of earners, she’ll need a man financially to be able to retire.

Two things high-value men have to master: being alone and their emotions.

Before 30, men have competition and women have options. After 30, men have options and women have competition.

Men should run rigorous background checks on women.

Men have to create their value, women have to maintain their value.

Women often don’t understand that there’s an important difference between possible and probable.

Women invade men’s spaces because that’s where the power is. They should make their own spaces.

Episode ‘3 Guys & A Girl | Call 📞 In Show’

A high-value man wants to have leverage to control the options in his world rather than setting himself up to defend against an undefined foe. Live your life. Don’t live defensively and don’t worry about things you can’t control!

Life is about relationships, and relationships are risky. But don’t get into more risk than you’re willing to deal with.

The roughest punishment in prison is isolation. People need human connection.

Some men, however, truly don’t want children and prefer living life as a bachelor. Need to make sure to make enough money to hire long-term nurses though, for when you get old.

Episode ‘Modern Women Won’t Do This!’

Women often have trouble properly apologizing to their man. They’ll apologize to coworkers but not to their boyfriends or husbands. And when they do, it’s usually a colder apology like ‘my bad’ or ‘I apologize’, not a heartfelt ‘I’m sorry’. Several men called in saying even their mothers never apologized to them.

Show AND tell: don’t just act nicer around your boyfriend/husband after you were in the wrong. Actually tell him you’re sorry. Confess and ask what you can do to make it up to him.

Men have emotional needs.

Saying sorry and fixing things is standard, simple human treatment.

You shouldn’t accept inappropriate treatment from anybody.

Episode ‘Modern Women Meet Miami’

Women today are the freest women that have ever existed. Yet many of them speak as if they’re the most oppressed.

Episode ‘Who Stole Christmas’

Judge a woman by her actions, not her looks.

A pretty woman needs to earn your attention, company, last name and so on. But pretty women aren’t used to having to earn anything. They’re usually given things.

Girlfriend experience: peace, tranquility, respect, affection, and support.

Episode ‘Why Do They Believe They Have Lots of Options? Pt3’

Kevin to a panel of women: “You guys are all under 30 so you’ve grown up in an era of immediacy, a lot of options. You’ve grown up in an era where it feels like you have more choice than you really have and more freedom than you really do […]. And at the end of the day, what you’re going to find is, especially for women, […] the way nature works, you have to get the bigger parts of your life figured out sooner if you want children because life makes choices for women before they make choices for men.”

A Woman’s Plight to Choose

Episode ‘Modern Women Want To Be Trophy Wives?’

“Make no mistake: the people who are telling you what you want to hear profit off of your pain and off of your delusion and denial. The people that they tell you hate you are actually trying to help you. Cuz at least they’re trying to tell you the truth that you can do something about.”

Episode ‘Strategic Singlehood of Black Women?’

You don’t want kids to be stuck between living their own lives and worrying about their single mothers. No son-husbands! “If you’re a man listening right now, cut your momma off.” One of the best things you can do. Tell her you love her but that you cannot support her (I think he means financially). There are too many black men out there who can’t start families because they have to provide for their mothers.

Women have to grow up and take dating very seriously.

The beeping smoke detector is a single-woman tell.

Instagram Live Smoke Show ‘The Critics & Detractors’

“[W]hen you run into a modern woman, just run away. You can’t win. They’re indoctrinated.”

Insights from other, miscellaneous episodes

Avoid women who don’t want to put a clock or date on anything.

Women want men who’ll make them look good to other women. Those are men in the top 20%.

Attention is currency to women.

No reason to get married as a man if you don’t want kids.

Single/unmarried men have a cap on how far they get in white-collar, corporate America.

Do not invest in a woman based on how attractive she is; invest in her based on how much she invests in you.

Don’t judge a woman based on what she says or how she looks—judge her based on what she does.

Put yourself first, your purpose second, your woman a distant third.

Chameleon: to know whether you’re dealing with a modern (as opposed to traditional) woman, see what she does when she gets angry. Engage on something she feels passionate about and watch what happens. Bark at her. If she barks back, she’s a modern woman because she has masculine energy. Or she’ll go manipulative; that means she’s a modern woman too. Also: no deep eye contact, no deep kisses, no submission during sex: she’s a masculine, modern woman.
Traditional women, on the other hand, during a conflict, would cry, or apologize, or hug, or kiss, write a love letter, and do other girly things for their man.

Some modern women are just nice and/or feminine but not necessarily traditional. Traditional women have a NEED to be with a man. They’ll get married in their early 20s when they aren’t run through.

Texting is meant to set up an in-person interaction.

Submissiveness means respectful cooperation.

Fathers should be telling their daughters what kind of man would be appropriate for them. Mothers should be telling and showing their daughters what they need to be doing for a man/what their responsibilities are to a man.

Some women take getting married way more seriously than being a mother. (Lots have babies out of wedlock fairly casually and then overthink marriage, have higher standards for marriage than for motherhood.)

Very few women know how to deal with rejection. Men should be prepared for retaliation.

Women will try to be the center of a man’s world. But that center should always be the man’s purpose, not a woman. (My addition: should she succeed in becoming the center of a man’s world, then she will lose interest in him.)

As a man, it can be worth adjusting one’s standards and going down in looks and up in cooperation, ie looking for women who are less hot but more cooperative.

A woman is happy when she is with a man who’s willing to shoulder the responsibility and the stress of life.

There is no ‘right one’. There is no soulmate. Those are magical, fairytale notions that are not based in reality.

Marriage isn’t about happiness, and it’s not the husband’s job to make the wife happy. Marriage is about duty and responsibility. (I’ll add that it’s not on kids to make the parents happy either. Having kids in hopes they’ll bring happiness to the relationship is awful and irresponsible because it puts a burden on the children that they could not have agreed to. A parent’s job is to help one’s children by their own lights, as Lulie Tanett from Taking Children Seriously has said. People should have children only when they are prepared to help them by their own lights for a lifetime.)

Women typically do not realize the requirements they have for a man, particularly financial requirements. They just know they want x number of kids and a certain lifestyle but they haven’t thought through what such a lifestyle costs, how high value a man who can afford it is, whether they’re on the same level as such a man in terms of sexual-market value, and what such a man looks for in a woman. As a result, they often remain alone for a long time because they are not what such a man looks for, but they have no idea where to even start, nor are they willing to adjust their expectations and date an average man even if they are themselves average.

Women control access to sex, but men control access to committed relationships.

Women shouldn’t go on a second date if they don’t intend to have sex with the man. It’s misleading and taking advantage of him. They shouldn’t accept anything from a man whom they’re not interested in.

Women have a need to maintain a character/public persona. When something conflicts with that, it’s almost like a “schizophrenic break”. So they’ll make things up to restore their character.

When somebody is wrong, use the same logic they use, on them and they’ll immediately come to the right conclusion.

You need to deal with women in a cold and calculated way because they’re the ultimate survivors.

When given a choice between the humanities and STEM, women tend to choose the humanities. Those pay less, but women often don’t account for that when concentrating on their ‘careers’ rather than finding a relationship early on. But men, along with the financial support and security they can offer in a marriage, are harder to find the older the woman gets.

Women tend to not ask themselves whether they qualify for the kind of man they want.

Single women keep other women single.

Decisions shouldn’t be made out of fear, scarcity, or lack.

A wife’s primary role is that of a help mate.

A woman’s survival depends on men, both collectively and individually. Men have civilized and built and maintain the world. And women typically don’t make enough on their own to have the $2.4 mil required to retire. That’s because they tend to go into fields that don’t pay as much (again, humanities instead of STEM).


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